Should be a new Creamy Beamy today for those who read that. I’m gonna try to wrap it up fairly quickly – the original version of the story had about a zillion extra threads to tie together at the end, but (as you can tell by the posting frequency) I pretty much ran out of steam on it, and I’d rather just end the story with some closure and a definite ending. That doesn’t preclude GPCB coming back someday in a more polished form, though.
And now it’s
TIME FOR MORE ARCHIE SHIT
So, Archie’s Weird Mysteries. This was an animated show that aired about ten years ago which can be summed up as ‘Archie’s X-Files‘, but the weird thing about these Weird Mysteries is that this show was actually made to fill the FCC requirement for stations to air a certain number of hours per week of educational programming. So the show was usually buried between infomercials at odd hours to guarantee no kid would ever see it, because TV stations are spiteful bastards like that. Also, it wasn’t even educational, except for tacking on a strained moral that kinda-sorta followed from the events of the show, which puts it in the same scholarly class as the dub of Sailor Moon. For instance, if you break your word and are late for a date, your girlfriend might be turned into a vampire. It’s the “Snow Goons are bad news” school of moralizing.
I do think that episode had an important moral for vampires, though: BITE JUGHEAD, NOT VERONICA. Vampire Jughead would be almost unstoppable. He’d have a gigantic army in a couple of hours, and in few days, he’d be emperor of the Earth while the few remaining humans cower in the basement of Riverdale High waiting for the end to come. He even already has the crown for it!