Playboy – Hey, guess what magazine apparently still exists. Rowr!
Bosom Buddies and Arch Enemies – Archie’s here, Betty’s here, Veronica too, and all your favorite Archie Comics pals, including the obscure-but-totally-worth-it Legion and the technically-in-the-same-universe Melody.
I somehow forgot about Reggie, though.
Raiya – Space cop! Created by Mild Concussion.
No Wrong Way – BTVS. How d’ya do that, Will?
Fooking Mama – Cooking Mama fanart. Probably NSFW, but I guess that’s a given with Cooking Mama, that little minx.
Nina and Francis – Recently I’ve been getting really into the work of Christiana Ellis – here’s a picture of a couple of characters from her wonderful pod-novel Nina Kimberly the Merciless. (Also recommended for your listening enjoyment, the thrilling science-fiction comedy Space Casey.)
Left Behind – “Fan” art for Left Behind, or more accurately, fanart for Fred Clark’s delicious ongoing evisceration of Left Behind at Slacktivist.
The Garden State – Adam and Eve, with snake.
Sally Sees Stuff – this one got published in the college art magazine, whee.
Leomund’s Tiny Hutt – new bard spell in the latest edition.
Riddle of the Three Gurus – Can you solve this MIND-BENDING PUZZLE?
Cheerful Shadow Priestess – Cheerful little DPSer. (No longer accurate – went Discipline).
Snow White And The Seven Dwarves – Not the Disney version.
Emoticons – It began with Dr. Marcus Detendre, a Louisiana psychotherapist whose abilities to bring comfort and relief to patients with severe emotional distress or anger issues earned him the nickname of “The Assuagin’ Cajun”. He was initially a normal, but received superhuman calming powers after listening to a radioactive Enya CD. These powers won him a lucrative job at a high-security clinic, working with emotionally disturbed superbeings. Unfortunately, Dr. Detendre also had a bit of an evil streak, and drew several of his most unstable patients around him in a cult of personality — hooking them on the mellowing relief only his powers could provide them. Now they’ll do anything he says for the reward of a few dribbles of ease from his magic hands.
Ron Wildman was once a gentle, peace-loving missionary. But an ill-fated encounter with a mysterious group of Japanese rage-worshipping monks who didn’t like his pacifistic philosophy changed all that. They tattooed an ancient symbol onto his forehead which channelled the pure power of white-hot fury into his brain and transformed him into the bloodthirsty destroyer known as Angro-Saxon. Now he spends his life pummeling whatever Dr. Detendre tells him too, and his free time working for various anger-encouraging “family friendly” organizations.
Phoebe Wade, aka Phoebia, was a supervillain with the power to read her opponents’ minds, draw off their greatest fear, and create terrifying illusions of it. Unfortunately, residue of the fear stayed in her mind — and after several years of using her powers, she’s now a shivering wreck who’s afraid of almost everything.
Princess Namida, the last surviving member of an ancient race of trench dwellers who created the world’s oceans by crying, is sunk constantly into both a deep depression and a vat of her own corrosive tears. Her habit of submerging her opponents in those tears has earned her the supervillain moniker of The Sob-Marinater. Her stupid name makes her sad, as do her betrayal of her kingdom’s principals for her own relief, her need to keep herself moist, and the fact that Phoebia is, like, sooo thin and she doesn’t even have to work at it. It’s totally unfair!
The last member of the team, if you can really count it as a member, is the entity known as God Jr. Cloned from DNA taken from the sites of various “acts of God”, this infant deity was meant to answer questions like “what does God look like?” and “is God male or female?” To which the answers are “like a human, but gold-colored and with a hadrosaur crest” and “your guess is as good as ours, it looks like the frickin’ Sarlacc pit down there”. God Jr. is omnipotent, but also always completely happy – which means that since one outcome is as good as another to it, it always acts randomly. It was given to Detendre in the hopes that he could influence its behavior… instead, he took it, and his three other followers, and turned to a life of crime.
Evil High School Sports Dept. – Evil High, the premiere high school for young supervillains, boasts quite a sports department. Because there aren’t really enough of them involved in any particular sport to actually compete, they’ve got to settle for using their skills to commit crimes and acts of athletic villainy. But what a line-up!
Not That Jason – Hockey enthusiast and brutal serial killer Jason Weederman couldn’t help it that his name and favorite sport just happened to invite the inevitable comparisons to a certain other famous Jason. And he’s darned if he’s going to be the one to change his theme! It’s gotten so bad he’s taken to hacking up teens outside convents and virginity pledge rallies just to differentiate himself from his famous rival.
Shark-Eel O’Neel – Mer-prince of a small, shallow sea, Shark-Eel’s frustation at constantly having to bend over to breathe drove him to a life of basketball-related supervillainy.
His bionic lungs keep him functioning in the surface world, though he still dribbles quite a bit.
Uuwatcho, The Spectator – One of a race of extra-dimensional beings who enjoy watching things, the Spectator is charged with viewing all sports on Earth. The monstrous force of his spectation has been known to level whole cities and bring advertisers to their knees, begging to market to the being with the viewing power of an entire demographic group. Simply by viewing a few billion ads, he’s pulled in plenty of money for department to stay afloat for years to come– even if he’s not allowed to actively participate.
Abner Doublecross – An evil baseball formed from the congealed boredom of a thousand slow-paced games, Abner is a very foul ball indeed. He likes to stab people with a baseball bat, because knives are for Canadians. Sometimes moonlights as one of the Three Horsemen of the Patriocalypse, along with Mom and Apple Pie.
Jeerleader- Heather Scorpiox, daughter of the late Professor Scorpiox and thoroughly evil little sadist. Her greatest joy is found in tormenting others and tearing them down, and she wields her formidable taunting skills with relish to demoralize the opposition. Her barbed exterior hides private terror – will someone discover her horrible secret and tell the world that she’s two ounces over her ideal weight?
Quartermech- Dana planned on a pro football career. She was her school team’s MVP, and she was already being courted by serveral WNFL scouts. Then a helicopter landed on her during a halftime show gone wrong. With a fourth of her body replaced by high-tech weaponry, Evil High was the only school that would still let her play – so she held her nose and transferred, even though it meant lying about her evil level. Now this reluctant villain is the effective leader of her own gang of baddies (as well as the even more reluctant target of Jeerleader’s “captain of the football team” fixation).
Sugar Glider- She was ambitious and hardworking, but Chlorine Poole just couldn’t make the cut for swim team. Embittered, she asked the next genie she saw for the ability to swim better than anyone else. Unfortunately, this was one of those ironic genies, and she gained amazing swimming powers… at the cost of being turned into a being of pure sugar for whom water is quick death. Her skills DO allow her to “swim” through the air and through solid walls, however, sealing her future as a supervillain.
El Besador- Alberto Muerzo Del Toro was born with a strange power passed down for generations in his bullfighting family. He can afflict anyone with ‘The Curse of the Raging Bull’, a hex which causes the recipient to be swallowed up with violent, berserk rage. Unfortunately he can only hex someone by kissing them on the lips. This is not the safest power to use, so he wields it only as a last resort, and tends to rely on agility and acrobatics in battle.
The Balance of Power- Little Mindy Spritelle was America’s darling, sweetheart of the Olympic gymnastic world. Then came the dark day when authorities discovered balance-enhancing substances in her duffle bag. Now stripped of her medals and distorted into monstrosity by the effects of steroids, she’ll stop at nothing to bring down the society which shunned her… no matter how many tightropes they throw in her path!
Pig’s Kin- Abandoned as a baby when his USDA inspector parents ‘disappeared’ on a visit to a crooked hog farm, Oink Gruntgrunt Fart-Rollover was raised by the sickly, feces-mutated pigs therein. Growing up and learning of the two-legs’ wicked plan for his brethren, he took up the mantle of “Pig’s Kin” and rode forth astride his brother Lie-Down-In-The-Corner Squeal Fart-Rollover, slaughtering all those who would use dare to use pig products and sewing their hides together into his garments. When he attacked Quartermech over her use of pig-leather footballs, she recognized the raw ability of this feral teen, and agreed to switch to synthetics if he would join the department. He did (his sport was dubiously entered as “polo”) and now assists the team in committing crimes whenever he’s not off on his own crusades.
The Write Brigade – This diverse squad of supervillians is bound together by a love of the written word. Particulary the word “The”.
Leading them is The Anecdotist. Anecdote me this, do-gooders! The Anecdotist is one of those who are compelled to slip the hero a few secret messages about upcoming capers — in his case, he hides then in the middle of long, rambling stories about small-town Minnesota life.
The Unreadable Hack! Once an obscure fanfiction writer, this nameless Mary Sue was bombarded with beta radiation during a proofreading accident — now she gains incredible strength whenever her error-riddled out-of-character slashfics are criticized! Greatest solo caper: almost forced Tom Felton and Alan Rickman into a three-way marriage with her.
The Critical Mass! A former movie critic who stopped writing scathing reviews and starting dressing up in a tomato suit and hurling himself bodily at whomever he didn’t like. Currently wanted in connection with a series of brutal Wayans flattenings.
The Fighting Keyboardist! This master of blogging actually owns real samurai swords and isn’t afraid to wave them around. Master of the Thousand Hit Per Day Combo and the Fisk of the North Star, he may seem weak in person, but with his minions behind him, he can throw off ANY poll and clog any mailbox with a flurry of copy-and-pasted form letters!
The Wikipede! Her many arms reach into all corners of the universe, forever changing, tweaking, and editing! And just when you think you can trust where you stand, the awesome power of consensus has changed reality under your feet. Heroes beware: under her policies, you’re marked for deletion!
Together, they … well, mostly they just knock over armored cars and hold people for ransom. Because it’s pretty hard to make a living as a writer, even if you’re evil.
Vatforce Alpha. – Something had to be done. Vatican City was under near constant attack by demons, villains, and the mad Professor Galileo – but unlike other cities, it had no native supergroups to help fight them off! There was only one solution – form Vatforce Alpha!
First on the team was Cardinal Parcheggio, a formerly mild-mannered man of the cloth whose life changed forever when a spider descended through some holy water and bit him on the hand. Now he is Spider-Cardinal, with the proportional faith of a spider and a Sensus Divinatus that warns him of all dangers!
Next was Sister Mary Pugilistica – an ex-champion boxing nun whose career ended in disgrace when it was discovered she’d been illegally putting rulers in her gloves. The minds behind Vatforce Alpha recognized the raw backbone of ruthlessness they needed.
Little Timmy was a normal kid. He didn’t know that the wafer he casually munched on was the subject of an experiment by top Vatican scientists. He didn’t know it was… a Bizarro Communion Wafer, containing the DNA of all living beings EXCEPT Jesus! Now, his body monstrously mutated, he assists Vatforce One as the cryptic Altered Boy.
Virginia’s education was a little lacking when it came to contraception. Maybe that’s why her idea of birth control was eating a box of condoms a day. It may not have helped prevent pregnancy, but ingesting so many rubbers did cause her body to become inhumanly limber and flexible. Now, the crimefighting contortionist Knotty Catholic Schoolgirl gets Vatforce out of many a tight spot!
The team was assembled. But it needed a leader. It was time to activate the secret experiment being carried out in the deepest, most underground lab of all. It was time to awaken Captain Vatican City, a superchampion forged from the DNA of all previous popes. Stronger than Pope Brutus VI, faster than Pope Barbaro X, and twice as infallible as all the other popes put together!
Fight on, Vatforce Alpha! Fight on!